


A Scaly Leni is a Fearsome Leni

by feebop



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Monster Girls, Catboys & Catgirls, Gen, Golems, Hunting, Lamia, Mice, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 00:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feebop/pseuds/feebop
Summary: Leni, a gigantic lamia, is called in to catch a mouse that's been terrorizing the twins. She finds herself in over her head, and her siblings must band together to help her. Monster Girl AU.





	A Scaly Leni is a Fearsome Leni

Lincoln nearly purred in relief, as he finally reached the itch that had been screaming its presence in the center of his back. As the boy clawed the offending spot, he reveled in the present moment; He was basking in the early morning sunlight while pawing through the latest Ace Savvy in his underwear. He couldn't imagine a more comfortable scenario if he tried.

As he carefully turned the page, eager to see if Ace could escape the clutches of the Bean Monarch, his ears perked up. That sounded like... fighting. Coming from Lola and Lana's room. Lincoln cautiously turned back to his comic. Fighting between the twins was anything but extraordinary. He could most likely just ignore it.

“EEEEEEEEEK!”

Lincoln winced as he heard the familiar shriek. Something had set off Lola, again. But that didn't necessarily mean anything; Lola pierced the house with a scream nearly once a day. With any luck, she would be upset with something that he wouldn't need to worry about.

His ears twitched, as they made out a shouting match muffled through two doors. Yes, the twins were most certainly at it again. Probably a squabble over mud on the bed, or something similarly inane. Nothing he would have to help with, surely.

The door to the twins' room slammed shut, and a series of pops trailed down the hall.

“Lincoln!” Lola yelled as the popping drew near, “Lincoln, I need help!”

Lincoln groaned. He gingerly closed his comic and sprung to his feet. The string of pops ended at his door, as he slipped a shirt over his head. It was far too early on a Saturday to be getting dressed.

A wet splat pounded against his door, followed by a distinct pop.

“Lincoln, open up!” cried Lola, punctuating her statement with another splat and another pop.

The wet, squishy sounds of her “knocking” intensified as he pulled up his jeans. “I'm coming, Lola,” he crooned, trying not to sound annoyed.

The twins' door slammed again, and a set of resounding, heavy thuds approached.

“Don't listen to her, Lincoln! We don't need any help!” There was something indignant in the low drone of Lana's voice.

The boy paused. If one twin wanted him to come solve some problem, and the other one didn't, did that cancel out? Could he just sit back and wait for them to rectify whatever issue they had on their own?

“Lincoln, pleeease!” Lola cried, desperation edging into her voice, “I'm scared!”

Lincoln shrugged off the thought with a sigh, as he approached his door. Being a good big brother took precedent over laying around and relaxing. Even if he was wonderfully, incredibly relaxed.

Lincoln pulled open his door, unintentionally dragging Lola in with it. With a slight blush, she detached her ribbon-laden tentacle from his door and stepped back. The little squid girl seemed truly flustered, while the hardened heap of mud next to her looked even less happy to be there than he was.

“What's the matter, Lola?” he asked, with a hint of concern, “What are you afraid of?”

“A mouse,” she moaned, shrinking into the most miserable little pose she could muster. “A big, fat, scary mouse that Lana and her whole zoo of creatures can't catch!”

Lincoln perked up.

'A mouse?', he wondered. Perhaps his morning had just gotten better, not worse.

“Hey!” shouted the little mud golem, glaring a battleax at the scylla next to her,“I'll have you know that me and Diablo were THIS close to catching that thing!”

Lola crossed her arms and her front pair of tentacles and matched her twin's glare. “Well CLOSE doesn't get that thing out of our room, now does it!?”

Lola turned to face her brother, a gap-toothed grin replacing her scowl. “I bet you could handle that little vermin with both hands behind your back, though, couldn't you?”

An invisible blush spread beneath his fur, as he raised a dismissive hand. “Oh, I don't know about that, Lola.”

Eleven years being a living mousetrap for his household had honed his innate mouse hunting skills, but a no-hander was still out of his league.

“Give yourself a little credit, Lincoln,” crooned Lola, poking a little pink tentacle at him. “You're the best mouse-catcher I've ever seen.”

Lincoln grinned as the little scylla stroked his ego. He knew it was juvenile to feel good about being better than a mouse, but that had never stopped him before and it wouldn't anytime soon.

“Now, will you come and see about this mouse? I know you want to.”

Lincoln nodded, as his smile widened. She was right; He absolutely did want to rustle up a mouthful of mouse. The catboy might have resented the fact that his sister openly embraced the stereotype about felines and mouse hunting, if he didn't enjoy the activity so much.

“Awwww, come on, Lincoln. Can't you let my snake have a snack, for once?” The mud golem's hand clinked against her face as she slapped it over her mouth.

Snake.

Lincoln stopped in his tracks. The words of his parents' lecture crept into his mind.

'Let your sister have a chance to catch a mouse once in a while.'

'You aren't the only one in this house who has a taste for those things, mister.'

Lincoln sighed as he mentally counted: The one in the attic, the one in the basement, the two in the kitchen, the one in the living room. Five, he concluded, after a moment. He had caught the last five rodents that had made the mistake of rearing their heads in the Loud house. That meant that...

“It's Leni's turn, Lola.”

The be-tentacled diva shot a murderous glare at the animated mud statue behind them.

“Sorry...” muttered Lana, her low, hollow voice dripping with regret.

Lola turned to Lincoln, her front tentacles clasped in front of her.

“Pleeease, Lincoln. Can't you just do it yourself?” Her pleading voice soured with dread. “You KNOW how Leni is with... hunting...”

The feline winced. He knew exactly how his older sister was when it came to catching prey.

Lincoln loved Leni dearly. She was always the first of his sisters to try and cheer him up when he was feeling down; She was the first to offer him a hug when he needed one, and the first to offer her services when he needed assistance. Although the hugging may have been an unconscious effort on her part to steal his body heat... Regardless, his sister was marvelously sweet and kind. Sweet, kind, and absolutely, unequivocally the least competent predator that he had ever encountered in his eleven years on Earth.

A shudder ran down his spine as he recalled the last time that Leni had tried to catch a mouse. He and his siblings had spent the better part of a week sweeping and vacuuming stucco, while Lana and Mr. Loud patched Leni-shaped holes in the walls. Lincoln idly wondered if Leni could catch a mouse that wasn't pinned under fallen plaster. He shook the thought away.

“We have to be fair, Lola. It's the rules.”

“Well those rules are stupid!” she snapped. “All Leni will do is smash up our room! I bet she couldn't even catch the thing if she tried all day! She can't-”

“Hey,” Lincoln interjected, in the sternest tone he could muster, “Leni can...”

He stammered, unable to find any confidence to throw behind the words on the tip of his tongue.

“She can- she can catch mice just fine.”

“Lincoln, this is a pretty smart mouse,” Lana cautioned. “He's fast, too. Me, Cliff and Diablo have been after him since yesterday, and we haven't had much luck.”

Lana sighed as well as a being that didn't breathe could sigh. “I guess if WE aren't good enough,” she grumbled, no doubt staring down her twin, “then you should be the one to catch this guy. He's out of Leni's league.”

“See?” Lola asked, a smug smile on her face. “You should do us all a favor and grab the thing yourself.”

Lincoln pondered his options. If he snatched up the rodent himself, the whole affair would be over in minutes, and he could go back to reading his comics one mouse richer. But, his parents would be furious if they ever found out that he snuck around behind Leni's back. And Leni would be absolutely shattered if she found out her siblings didn't trust her to do something as simple and natural as catching a mouse.

Lincoln steeled himself.

“Lola, we're letting Leni catch this one,” he said matter-of-factly. “She's our sister, and it would mean a lot to her.”

“Nope,” said the scylla flatly. “I'd rather have a mouse than a set of holes in the wall.”

Lola turned on her proverbial heels and started to amble away, one wet, slapping tentacle step at a time. Lincoln couldn't believe she could be so cold.

“Now hold on!” he called after her. “How about this: If Leni takes too long, or if it's clear she can't do it, then I'll catch it for her.”

The eight-legged princess twirled around again, this time with a satisfied smirk.

“Alright, deal. But you...” she jabbed a red ribboned tentacle at him “You'll have to be the one to wake her up.”

Lincoln nodded with a shudder. Waking Leni could be dangerous business, but he stood the best chance of any of his siblings to avoid harm.

“And YOU,” she pointed to the figure behind him, “you are going to help me Leni-proof our room.”

“Fine,” grumbled the golem, sounding defeated. “I guess it is my fault that Leni's going to get involved.”

“Yes,” replied the scylla, “Yes it is. Now, if we're all in agreement, let's get to work. We have a lot to get done before this circus hits the road.”

Lincoln watched his twin sisters hurry back to their shared dwelling. Although just minutes ago he had been brimming with generosity and a firm sense of brotherly responsibility, he couldn't shake the feeling of being played. He pondered Lola's negotiating skills all the way down the hall, stopping at the beleaguered door to Lori and Leni's room.

The sad old chunk of wood had surely seen better days, although Lincoln hadn't been around for them; For as long as he remembered, the door at the end of the hall had been checkered with deep gashes, caused by Lori's miserable attempts to work the knob. He hoped the haggard old thing didn't collapse as he knocked.

“Leni?” he called out. “Lori?”

He was met with silence. Lincoln briefly imagined how nice it would have been to have found Leni already wide awake. Then, he sighed.

Bracing himself, the catboy pushed open the door and stepped into the inky blackness.

After a few moments of staring into nothingness, his eyes adjusted to the dark. One of the many perks of being a feline, he mused to himself.

He could make out the massive girth of Leni's sleeping form, bathed in red light, in one corner of the room. With any luck, she wouldn't be too deep into her basking-induced nap.

Lincoln cast a cautious glance at the other side of the room, occupied by Lori's “bed.” The bizarre paper nest, composed of carved up pictures of Bobby and images of boy bands cut from teen magazines, was mercifully empty. Lincoln smiled to himself; This affair would be much easier without having to worry about waking Lori.

The boy turned to the side of the room that was wreathed in red light. Sweat began to slicken his fur as he approached Leni's side of the room; The furry feline couldn't stand being under the light of Leni's “tanning lamp” for very long.

Lincoln stopped at the edge of the monolithic basking stone, or “snuggly rock” as she called it. Even as he sweltered in the heat, Lincoln paused to marvel at the form of his elder sister.

Leni was every inch a lovely blonde valley girl. Or, above the waist, she was, at least. In place of legs, the second oldest Loud sibling had a gargantuan snake tail, with glossy scales the same mossy green as her favorite dress. Though Leni was too embarrassed to have herself formally measured, Lisa had once told him that their sister could be no less than sixteen feet long and growing. As he took in the sight of her, Lincoln wondered if his younger sister hadn't undershot that guess.

Lincoln's glowing eyes traced the contours of Leni's tail, which had curled into loose circles and figure eights in her sleep. Eventually, the mess of scaly loops tapered out into a rounded tip, which his sister unconsciously clutched for comfort. She looked so peaceful, in that moment. For numerous reasons, it was a shame to have to wake her.

Lincoln braced himself, as he reached out and poked his sister.

“Leni,” he whispered, earning a grumble from the lamia, “Leni, wake up. There's a mouse.”

“Dw-huh?” the snake girl sputtered, as she started to stir.

The whiskers sprouting from Lincoln's cheeks twitched, and his tail tensed. Acting solely on instinct, he ducked, narrowly avoiding Leni's tail as it swung from behind him.

“Whoo!” he cheered. He almost never managed to avoid Leni's unconscious wake-up thrashing. He couldn't wait to tell-

He bowled over as Leni's tail struck his face on the back swing.

No one. He would tell no one.

His vision blurred as he tried to keep his head from hanging to one side.  
“Hello?” Leni cried, worry quickly replacing any hint of grogginess, “Is there, like, somebody there?”

The three Lenis in his sights finally settled into one, as his head stopped swimming.

His sister was frantically looking in every direction, trying to find what had awoken her. After a few moments of fruitless searching, Lincoln could see a lightbulb go off in Leni's mind. She flipped her sleep mask up, and almost immediately met his gaze.

“Oh, Lincoln, it's just you! I was totes worried, for a minute.” Leni fixed him with an inquisitive stare. “Why are you laying on my floor?”

Lincoln sprang to his feet, as he considered his next words. “Well, you see Leni... Lola has been having trouble with a... with a mouse.”

“A mouse!” Leni's face lit up. “Do you need my help?”

“Yes, Leni,” the catboy lied through his teeth, “We need are in need of your, uh... unique mouse-hunting expertise.”

Leni scratched her head, as a grin tugged at her lips. “Well, I don't know about tees, Lincoln, but I am definitely an expert on mice!”

Her hands came to rest on her hips. Or, where her hips would be if she had legs and not a snake tail.

“You just show me where the mouse is, and I'll take care of it for you.”

Lincoln found her proud smile to be contagious, even if he knew he had just opened a can of worms.

“I'm glad you're on the case, Leni.” He exhaled his last bit of apprehension. “Follow me.”

Leni sprung from her bed with a thud and slithered after her fuzzy little brother.

“Wait!” she suddenly yelled, causing Lincoln to jump.

“Yes, Leni?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“I need to put on my hunting clothes!”

Lincoln hoped she couldn't see him roll his eyes in the dark. How could he have forgotten her hunting clothes?

Leni wormed her way over to her closet, before wagging a finger at her brother. “Now turn around, and don't, like, peep or anything.”

Lincoln gave her a tired nod, before turning around. “I wouldn't dream of it, Leni.”

It's not like she was really changing, anyway.

“I'm ready!” she sang, less than ten seconds later. He cast a sideways glance at her, as she resumed her place at his side, now wearing a camouflage ushanka and vest over her regular outfit.

The fashion conscious lamia wouldn't be caught dead wearing such clothes in public, but she insisted on wearing them when it was her turn to exercise her predatory instincts. Camouflage meant that she was, like, totes hard to see, she had once explained.

“Leni?” he feigned with a smile, “Where did you go?”

The massive predator giggled behind him as they went down the hall. “I was right behind you!” she cried, grabbing his shoulders.

“Aaaaah!” he gave his best fake yell. “When did you get there?”

The boy scratched his head. “I guess I couldn't see you through all the camo!”

Leni beamed at him, showing off every tooth and hooked fang in her head. Lincoln found it impossible not to smile back.

“That mouse isn't going to know what hit him,” he tried to convince the both of them.

“Nope,” Leni agreed, her face filled with pride and determination.

“But it will be me that hit him,” she explained through her smile.

'Yes,' Lincoln thought to himself, as he reached for the twins' door, 'with any luck you'll be able to hit him.'

 

“Leni, could you wait here for a second?”

The lamia's grin dimmed, slightly. “Why?”

“Uh, the twins wanted to... clean up before you came in. Let me just make sure they've finished.”

Leni's brow furrowed as she pondered the idea. “Well, alright,” she concluded, “But, like, hurry.”

The snake girl shook her fists in excitement.

Lincoln nodded. “I'll just be a minute.”

Carefully, Lincoln pushed open the door to his sisters' room.

The unfamiliar austerity of his sisters' room smacked him in the face; They certainly had been Leni-proofing.

Everything, from Lana's skates to Lola's wall-mounted tiara collection had vanished from its normal place. Lincoln glanced around as he padded onto their now-immaculate floor. His wonderment vanished as he began to realize that nothing had disappeared; It had simply been re-positioned.

Diablo's terrarium, snake and all, Lola's little car, and other valuable bits of furniture had all been stashed in the far corner of the room. Everything else had found a temporary home atop one of the twins' bed. Or, he realized as he looked closer, they had found a home on Lana's bed.

Though the family pets made more use of it than the tireless golem, Lana usually made sure that her bed was in the ballpark of tidy. At that moment, though, the old mattress was a trainwreck; The young construct had stacked nearly every loose item in the room on top of her mattress, and she still wasn't finished.

The sister in question scratched her head, as she searched for a good spot to place the chair balanced effortlessly in her other hand.

“You better be careful with that,” crowed Lola, from her seat at the edge of her bed.

The golem simply grumbled in response.

Lincoln turned to the other twin. Lola's bed looked the same as it ever had, save for the addition of a few plush refugees who had been forced to abandon their place on the floor. The expanded host of stuffed animals formed a loose semicircle around their tentacled queen, watching intently as she filed her nails.

Lincoln couldn't recall ever seeing the little beauty queen seem so bored. Though he had only been gone a few minutes to fetch their sister, Lola looked as though she had been waiting for a week.

He turned back to the other side of the room when he heard the creaking. Lana's normally rigid shoulders squealed as she stretched to balance the last of Lola's little chairs atop the stack that had overtaken her bed. Though she was physically incapable of sweating, the mud construct made a show of wiping non-existent sweat from her brow.

“Phew,” Lana sighed, admiring her handiwork.

“Thanks for all the help, Lola,” she said, her voice dripping with the plainest sarcasm Linc had ever heard.

“Oh, it was no trouble,” the scylla replied sweetly.

“And thank you for making all of this necessary in the first place,” the barest hint of malice crept into the princess' voice “You and your big mouth just HAD to drag Leni into all this di-”

Lincoln cut off the incoming squabble by clearing his throat loudly.

Both of his sisters startled at the sound.

“When did you get here?” asked a wide-eyed Lola.

“A few seconds ago,” he said carefully. “What's the matter?”

“You snuck in, you creep!”

Lincoln blinked. He had been sneaking, hadn't he? He cursed his cat instincts.

“Sorry, guys. I wasn't even thinking about it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said the fleshy twin, waving a hand. “I swear, you can be worse than Lucy, with that.”

“Where's Leni?” the golem asked.

Lincoln jabbed a thumb at the door behind him.

“Right outside. That's why I'm here, actually. Are you two ready?”

Lola cast a weary glance at her sister.

A look of sympathy etched itself onto Lana's face.

“Well, I think I put up everything she could possibly break,” she said, sheepishly.

Lola sighed. “Yeah,” she paused, resigning herself “Yeah, I guess we're ready.”

“It's not going to be so bad,” said the catboy.

He knew none of the trio were convinced of the veracity of that his statement.

“Just remember what we agreed on,” Lola chided, as he turned to the door, “When it's obvious that she can't do it on her own, you're doing it for her.”

Lincoln simply nodded. He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he would undercut his sister if necessary. He couldn't do with spackling the walls, again.

The feline padded his way back to the door and raised his voice. “Leni, you can come in now.”

“Yay!” came a muffled cry, from behind the wooden slab.

The massive teen hastily pushed the door open, and flowed into the twins' room. The lamia's arms were flung over her head, and a look of sheer, unmitigated joy had settled on her face. It seemed she was excited enough for all four of them.

“Don't worry, Lola!” she sang, “I'm here to take care of that- uh. To take care of... Wow.”

The snake girl couldn't finish her exclamation. As she noticed the difference in her sisters' room, she was overtaken by the same amazement that had come over Linc.

“You guys did, like, a really good job cleaning,” she muttered, inspecting the golem's handiwork. Her eyes narrowed after a moment.

“Well, maybe you need to work on cleaning your bed, Lana,” the snake admonished, “But other than that, it looks suuuper nice in here.”  
Lana rolled her eyes, as she thudded her way over to her big sister. “I'll try to work on that, Leni.”

The mud construct reached her arms up, a half-smile plastered on her face. Leni swooped down and wrapped her earthen sister in a hug.

Lincoln smiled to himself. The golem had always had a particular affinity for her “awesome giant snake” sister, and it seemed no amount of manual labor could dull it.

“The mouse lives there,” Lola offered, gesturing to a small hole in the middle of the far wall. For someone who couldn't have been awake for more than a few hours, she sounded marvelously tired.

Leni perked up at the mention of the rodent. Dogged determination captured her face, as she looked over at her tentacled sister.

“Right. The mouse. I'm going to catch him for you, Lola! So, don't worry, or anything.” Leni shook her fist, to emphasize her point. That mouse had better watch himself.

“Oh, I'm not worried at all,” said the little princess, in a tone patient enough to make a pre-school teacher seem like a drill sergeant. “I'm sure you'll be able to handle this.”

A finger and a pink little fore-tentacle pointed again at the hole in the wall. “That's where he hides,” she explained a second time, “So, uh... Have at him whenever you're ready.”

After a brief pause, the scylla piped up again, “And, be careful. The other side of that wall is a ten-foot drop outside. So don't er, go through it.”

Leni snickered. “Oh, I won't crash through the wall. I learned my lesson about walls after last time!”

The lamia's words relieved Lincoln, slightly. From the look on Lola's face, Leni might have relieved her too. That was a promising sign.

“Now,” continued the goliath predator, gesturing to her siblings, “You guys all need to hide. The mouse isn't going to, like, come out if he sees a lot of people around.”

Lincoln smiled. That was a very, very promising sign. His sister just had a completely lucid, rational thought about mouse hunting. Cautious optimism began to well up in the boy's chest.

Lincoln scanned the room, looking for a suitable hiding place. The room's spotlessness didn't leave him with many options. Lola caught his gaze, and waved him over, along with Lana.

“Why don't you two hide on my bed?” she asked, completely resigned to Leni's shenanigans. “I'm sure the mouse won't be able to see us up here.”

Leni pointed a proud finger at her little sister. “Good thinking! Mice are totes short. There's like, no way he'd be able to see you guys.”

The situation just kept getting better, for Lincoln; Not only was his older sister showing a bit of promise, he'd get to watch the whole affair from the comfort of Lola's plush bed.

Without a further thought, the feline sprang onto his sister's bed, landing gracefully next to her.

Lana followed shortly after, carefully climbing up so that her weight wouldn't destroy the bed.

Once her siblings had situated themselves comfortably, Lola drew the lacy curtains of her princess bed closed, leaving just enough space to spy on Leni.

“Alright,” said Leni, “You three stay in there. I'll catch this guy in, like, no time!”

“Right,” replied Lola, flatly.

Lincoln smiled, as he made himself at home on the scylla's luxurious bed. For as petulant as she had been about receiving Leni's “help”, Lola had done a fine job of being cordial to the lamia in person. He supposed, though, that he should expect no less of someone whose hobby was trying to look pleasant in front of judges.

Lincoln's grin widened, as he considered his situation. If anything, he was even more content than he had been reading comics earlier. His elder sister seemed far more competent than he had expected, and she seemed poised to slither out of this situation feeling great about herself. His sisters were both being nice to Leni, despite the extra hassle of having her along. Lola had even let him “hide” on her bed, a place that he would normally never dream of being.

Just then, a concern struck him.

“Leni,” he said, glancing up through the gap in the lace, “Why aren't you hiding?”

Leni simply giggled at him, from her perch. The lamia had positioned herself between Lana's bed and the hole in the wall, coiling her lustrous tail around herself. From the uppermost coil, a silly hat and a pair of giddy eyes peered at him. “I am hiding, silly!”

Lincoln's brow furrowed. Clearly, the two of them had very different ideas of what hiding was.

“See, I'm coiled up all tiny. It'll be, like, really hard for him to see me.”

Lincoln sighed. Maybe this would be a really, really stupid mouse. With poor eyesight.

“Alright, Leni. My mistake.”

Lincoln could practically feel her smile, from behind the bulk of her tail. “Trust me on this, Lincoln,” she chimed, “I'm like, a latex predator!”

The cat winced, as a thousand uncomfortable images flooded into his mind.

After a moment, he offered “Do you mean an apex predator?”

Leni pondered the word, briefly, before snickering again. The lamia looked at him as if he'd just said the sky was green.

“No, Lincoln,” she chastised, with a laugh, “I'm part snake. Not, like, part ape.”

Of course. How could he have been such a fool?

Lola held a hand over her mouth, as she shot him a furtive glance.

“Oh yes, that's right,” he replied, trying not to match the scylla's giggle, “How silly of me.”

The twins weren't quite as restrained as he was. He hoped Leni couldn't hear them snickering.

“It's okay, Lincy! We all make mistakes,” said the tower of coils, gently. “But, you three do have to be quiet, or the mouse will get scared.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Lincoln and the twins stifled themselves. Without another word, they nestled together under Lola's comforter and peered through the veil at their older sister. The three were more than content to leave the fearsome latex predator to her devices in silence.

 

Lincoln raked a claw along his thigh, careful not to jostle the tentacle wrapped around his leg. The jolt of pain chased the haze from his mind, and his eyes snapped from their half-lidded state. After a moment, though, the tiny adrenaline shot ran its course, and the cat's drowsiness resumed. Lincoln scraped himself again and cursed the abject comfort that engulfed him.

The shade of the curtains, the sublime softness of Lola's bed, and the warmth his younger sister radiated formed a dizzying cocktail that threatened to take the boy under. It took all the concentration he could muster to resist the urge to close his eyes.

His younger sister didn't seem to have the same fortitude. The young sea monster had pulled herself closer to him, in her sleep, as her tentacles unconsciously coiled around the warmest thing they could grasp. Lincoln normally wouldn't mind the gentle contact, but the scylla's body heat was sapping his will to stay awake.

How could someone who was supposed to be cold-blooded be so stiflingly warm?

Lincoln raked his thigh for what felt like the hundredth time. Focus. He had to focus. He needed to keep an eye on Leni and to be ready to help her if she needed him.

His eyes drifted over to the kindly lamia.

Leni hid behind her sinewy coils, her face screwed into the same determined glare that it had been for the last fruitless half-hour. Somehow, the airhead had managed to maintain a stonier disposition than the bored little golem sitting next to him. He wished he could muster up even half as much excitement or determination as the mossy snake in front of him.

More than that, though, the boy wished that Leni would complete her little hunt without a hitch. His wish wasn't born of the desire to stick it to Lola for her pessimism, nor even to get back to his comics faster. He prayed for a smooth outcome because Leni deserved to live in a world where dressing like a hick and “hiding” behind five feet of coiled snake flesh made her invisible. She was too sweet to be let down by mundane things like less-than-stellar predatory skills, or mouse intelligence.

The catboy was roused from his reverie by a quaking beneath him. “Hey, guys,” Lana whispered, pressing on the mattress as gently as her superhuman strength allowed, “I think something is happening.” Lincoln squirmed back to life, as the scylla tangled around him began to stir.

Lincoln's eyes peeled open and darted again to his elder sister. To his surprise, she met his gaze with an excited stare of her own. Once she had his attention, her eyes darted back to the hole she had been staring so intently at for the last eon. Lincoln sat up and followed Leni's lead.

His heart nearly skipped a beat. A long white snout protruded from the gash in the wall, cautiously probing around.

In the back of his mind, he registered Lola snatching her “legs” away from him, and grumbling about a pervert. All the boy could muster in response was a wave of his hand and a muted shush. Every feline predatory instinct the boy had fired at once, telling him to be as still and quiet as possible.

The twins caught onto the act quickly. Soon, all four Loud siblings were intently watching the rodent that had caused so much trouble make his grand entrance.

Or, his agonizingly slow, deliberate entrance. The little white creature inched itself from its home at a snail's pace, cautiously glancing in every direction before hazarding another step.

Lincoln couldn't help but feel disappointed as more of the beast came into view. For something that had stumped his sister and their pets for an entire day, the little guy didn't seem very impressive.

He wasn't very fat, or particularly long. He wasn't frail, yet he didn't seem overly meaty. The length of his shaggy white coat and his overly cautious demeanor belied his age, but even then Lincoln had seen many older mice. The only interesting thing about him was his eyes; The much-bemoaned little thing had a striking set of blood red eyes.

He must have been an albino. Lincoln smirked a little. From what he'd heard, albino mice tended to be far less intelligent than their normal counterparts.

'Please be an idiot,' he mentally pleaded with the shabby little creature. 'Please, be the world's dumbest mouse. And please, whatever you do, just don't notice Leni.'

If the mouse could somehow hear him, it clearly had no love for the catboy; The rodent's head perked up, and its gaze snapped directly to the face of the waiting lamia. She smiled at the creature, seemingly oblivious to the implications of having the thing she was hiding from stare at her.

Lincoln's heart sank. The focus of his inaudible begging turned upwards, as he pleaded with any deity that would listen to keep that blasted rat from scurrying back into its hole.

For an uncomfortably long interval, there was naught but staring. All three denizens of the bed glared at the mouse, trying to mentally hold it in place. The mouse stared up at the massive predator towering over him, sizing up his odds. Leni stared at her prey with a little smirk; There was no way that the tasty little goofball could see her, after all!

The scraggly little albino tired of the standoff, first. Without so much as a trace of his previous caution, the mouse sprang from his hole and waddled his way towards Leni. Lincoln stifled a sigh of relief. Apparently, some higher power somewhere had a soft spot for helpless catboys and their airheaded snake sisters.

Leni shot her younger brother a toothy grin, which he cautiously returned. Satisfied, she turned her attention back the tiny white nuisance. Her eyes narrowed, and her brow furrowed in concentration. She braced her hands against her uppermost coil.

The mouse was unfazed by the clearly telegraphed threat. As Leni primed herself to strike, the rodent idly scratched an itch with his rear leg.

Perhaps this really was an abnormally stupid mouse, the cat mused. Why else would he just sit there, as what was presumably imminent death stared him in the face?

The foolish rodent stretched a kink out of his back and yawned. Leni's tongue snuck out of the corner of her mouth as she reared back.

Everything happened at once, after that. With stunning agility, the white fiend made a 180 and flew back into his hole. Fractions of a second later, a green and blonde lightning bolt struck the spot where the prescient creature had been standing.

If nothing else, he had to credit his sister's speed.

Leni's thunderous impact echoed through the house, earning a shudder from Lincoln and the twins. The feline thought he could hear pots and pans clatter to the ground all the way in the kitchen.

The three looked at their face-planted sister, then to each other, and back again.

“Is she alright?” Lana whispered, her eyes screwed up in sympathetic pain.

That was an excellent question that Lincoln realized he didn't know the answer to.

“Leni?” offered the middle child, carefully “Leni, are you alright?”

“Mmmphph,” came the snake's muffled reply.

“Hunh?” came his confused reply.

“Mmmphpmphmph,” she reiterated, sounding just as confused.

The ap- er, latex predator attempted to lean up and look at her brother but found herself unable. Leni struggled fruitlessly, thrashing her tail and flailing her arms above her head as she realized she was trapped; Her fangs were embedded so deeply in the ground that she couldn't pull away.

Leni's squawking grew increasingly desperate until the catboy couldn't bear to listen. He sprang from Lola's bed and helped his sister find the proper angle to pull her head away.

“Remember the deal, Linc!” came a harsh whisper from behind him. He batted a hand back at the prima donna, as he looked over his elder sisters face. Her nose was mercifully intact, and she wasn't bleeding.

“Leni, are you hurt?” he asked, after letting his sister gather herself.

“Oh, I'm, like, uh... I'm good.” The lamia's head swam, as she swayed from side to side.

She sure didn't seem good.

Still, Lincoln couldn't help but be impressed that Leni could manage to “stand” after hitting her head as hard as she had.

“I- I'll get him the next time,” she slurred, still oozing determination, “I'm, like, a mouse expert, you know?”

Lincoln did know. He knew that Leni truly believed that she was an excellent hunter “like all the other snakes, like, are.” And he knew he wasn't about to try and take that away from her anytime soon.

“Oh, I know, Leni. That mouse doesn't stand a chance.”

Leni offered him a smile that shone brighter than the fat purple bruise taking shape on her cheek.

Lincoln resumed his place on the bed, between a concerned golem and a frowning scylla.

“We can give her another chance, or two.” he told his sisters, quietly, “I mean, she didn't even break anything.”

“Besides her face,” Lola interjected.

Lincoln winced. “Just have a little faith,” he offered.

“She was pretty fast,” he declared, reassuring himself, “If that mouse slips up even a little, I bet she could do it.”

Lincoln's frail justifications were interrupted by a resounding thud, just a bit less explosive than the first.

Leni peeled herself from the floor and dusted herself off. “Sorry,” she chimed, “He jumped out again, but then he ran away super fast. I'll get him next time, though!”

Lincoln looked, sheepishly, at his tentacled little sister. Her incredulous stare said more than enough, but she spoke up anyway.

“If you let her get a concussion, I'm telling Dad.”

 

Before that day, Lincoln didn't know it was possible to hate a mouse. In his many years of interacting with his favorite snack, Lincoln had never mustered up so much as a bit of ire towards a rodent. Even the rare creatures that managed to give him the slip couldn't earn the boys hate. When a mouse managed to elude him, it was just preserving its own life; The fuzzy adolescent killing machine couldn't possibly hate something for following its self-preservation instincts.

The mouse he had come to despise, though, had moved beyond self-preservation some time ago. Sadism appeared to be a more apt description of the vile thing's intent.

The haughty albino had been toying with Leni for what felt like hours. He seemed to have gotten tormenting the hapless lamia down to a science; He'd waddle out of his little home, wait for Leni to rear up, cower back into his hole, and watch the valley girl smash her face into the ground. Then repeat. Ad nauseum.

With every thud, Lincoln's bile rose. No one should take advantage of his sister for their amusement, least of all a glorified snack. There was a special place in mouse hell waiting for the ugly little aberration.

Lincoln could barely muster the initiative to cringe as Leni faceplanted yet again. After a moments' rest on the plush carpet, the mighty reptile forced herself back up and leaned an arm against the wall.

“I'm... I'm, like, uh..” the snake searched for the proper word, as she swayed in place. “I'm, like okay,” she finally decided, before crumpling to the floor in a defeated heap. Even she didn't sound convinced, anymore.

Leni looked miserable in every sense of the word. Her trademark shades were shattered, and her hair was frizzed and full of debris from her frequent trips to the floor. Lincoln counted five ugly looking bruises all competing for space on her normally angelic face. It hurt Lincoln just to look at her.

Though his stock in mice had plummeted following the afternoon's vicious display, he had become a believer in Leni's hunting outfit; Lincoln could only imagine how much head trauma the lamia's tacky ushanka had saved her.

No amount of padded hillbilly clothing could protect her spirits, though.

She wore her most painful injury in her eyes. He could hardly bear to look into the pair of dull, listless marbles that had replaced the smiling, determined orbs he'd seen that morning. At some point during her hunt, Leni seemed to realize that something wasn't working. She didn't know to change her strategy, but she certainly seemed to know that she was getting nowhere. His heart went out to the hapless lamia.

The boy's pity and sympathy for his sister and the acidic rage towards her tormentor made surprisingly amiable companions in his chest.

“Lincoln,” came a concerned voice, accompanied by something warm and clammy on his shoulder. “Lincoln, I think that's enough of this.” Judging by the tone of her voice, Leni's pitiful display had deflated the beauty queen, as well.

“Yeah, Linc, this is starting to get sad,” came Lana's low, hollow agreement.

“I'll admit: she's done a pretty good job of not breaking anything,” admonished Lola, “But this might actually be more painful to watch than her destroying our stuff.”

It was absolutely more painful to watch, Linc decided. Off the top of his head, he couldn't imagine something he'd like to watch less than Leni clobbering herself in a vain attempt to be helpful.

“Lincoln, are you listening?” the scylla continued, an edge working its way into her tired voice.

The boy gave a faint nod. “You two are right. This is too much.”

“So it's decided, then,” said the scylla, wiggling a tentacle at the sad heap of scales on the floor, “You're going to go down there, catch that rat, and put Leni out of all of our misery.”

Lincoln sighed. He knew that Leni didn't ofte-

“Oh, no you don't!”

The sudden noise made the feline flinch. He swung his head around and locked eyes with a glaring scylla.

“You are NOT going to sigh and get all broody and sit there for another twenty minutes!”

Linc simply blinked. That was exactly what he had been about to do, wasn't it?

“But, Lola-”

“Don't 'but' me, Lincoln,” the sea monster grumbled, doing her best to keep her voice down. “I know you think you're helping her by not hurting her feelings, but it's time to face facts: Leni has no idea what she's doing!”

Lola hooked a finger and a fore-tentacle at him for emphasis “Every time she smashes her face into the floor, and you don't do something, you're as responsible as that filthy rat.”

Lincoln unclenched as his sister finished her little tirade. He hadn't expected to be called out, like that. Was he really being so negligent?

Maybe, he decided after a moment. Maybe he was. He should have stopped Leni several tries ago, but he was afraid to hurt her pride. Leni didn't lower herself as to take pride in very many things, but her “super helpful, like, snake powers” had long been something she'd flaunted.

And, in a certain sense, she was right to be proud. Leni had most of the pieces needed to be a good predator. She had a lightning fast lunge, she just needed to direct it somewhere that wasn't straight into the ground. She knew that she needed to hide, but her idea of hiding seemed to be flawed.

As lopsided as their exchange had been, Leni could very well catch her adversary, if she changed her strategy a bit. That seemed to be her real detriment: a resounding lack of strategic thinking. If he could just get her to change a few things about her approach... Heck, if he could just take away the mouse's ability to dart back into his hole, and give his sister a little guidance, Leni would figure things out eventually.

Pieces began to click into place in the back of Linc's mind. There may yet be a way to get Leni to adopt better behaviors. No, there WAS a way, it just-

The snapping of tiny fingers brought the cat back to reality. “Lincoln! We JUST talked about the daydreaming.”

Whoops. He hadn't even noticed he'd drifted off.

“What were you even thinking about?” asked a very curious golem.

“An excuse to sit here and be a fat, lazy cat instead of doing his job, I'll bet,” Lola interjected, her voice oozing spite.

“No!” the boy responded, a bit too loud. “I was coming up with a plan, actually. A plan-”

“A plan to eat lasagna and lay around all day, you lazy kitty?”

The cat swallowed his indignation like a fat forkful of lasagna. Er, like a fat forkful of some other kind of pasta. Why did the sea monster always have to be so quick to go racial when she was annoyed? She'd be hurling the G-word at him before too long, if he wasn't careful.

“No, Lola,” he ventured. “And I'm sorry about the daydreaming. I wasn't trying to waste your time.” When he was sure she wasn't going to interrupt again, he continued. “I was just thinking... look, let me try and teach Leni to do this right. I know I can get her to catch this thing on her own.”

If incredulity could take humanoid form, Lincoln imagined it would look something like the young scylla in front of him.

“You don't really think that will work, do you? Have you been watching the same thing I have?”

Lincoln didn't hesitate. “Yes, Lola. I know she doesn't look great right now, but I think Leni really could do this if she just changed her approach a little.”

Her head cocked to the side. “A little?”

The boy raised his hands defensively. “Yes. Just a little.”

“Aw, give him a chance, Lola,” chimed the golem. “Or, give her a chance, I guess.”

The tentacled twin glared at her sister. “Don't you think she's had enough chances? She's going to hurt herself!”

“Not if Lincoln helps her,” explained the mud heap. “He knows what he's doing with the whole predator thing. And he's good with Leni, too. Remember that time he taught her to drive?”

Lincoln couldn't help but smile to himself. He was glad someone was on his side. And Leni's.

“Besides,” Lana went on, “Leni got up from her heat nap and has been smashing her face into the ground trying to help you. Isn't it mean to tell her she sucks at something really basic and send her home empty handed?”

With that, it was Lola's turn to sigh and brood for a while. Lincoln watched nearly every emotion on the negative end of the spectrum flit across his sister's face.

“Yes,” the scylla admitted, with no shortage of consternation, “I guess that would be a little mean...”

The catboy shot a grateful smile at his earthen sister.

“I thought we had a deal,” the beauty queen mused, before sighing again. “You're lucky Leni's so nice” She batted a dismissive tentacle at him. “Go do your dumb little mouse eating seminar, or whatever it is you plan to do.”

The feline beamed at his tired, tired little sister. “Thanks, Lola! I promise you won't regret this.”

“Yeah, I sure hope not.”

Her voice caught him in place, as he turned towards the floor. “You better be quick, too! I've got things to do today, you know!”

It was Linc's turn to quirk an eyebrow. “What things do you need to do?”

“Oh, just normal things,” her voice dripped with indignation, “Like not having you two shed and flake all over my nice clean bed while we watch Leni die! For hours!”

The boy nodded. Those sounded like some pretty important things.

Linc was relatively sure that it hadn't been hours, though. It may have felt that way, but his sister was probably exaggerating. He knew he shouldn't push his luck by telling, though. He needed her to be in some semblance of good spirits, for later.

Without another peep, Lincoln hopped off of the bed and walked over to his crumpled older sister.

“Leni?” he offered, cautiously. “Are you, uh, awake?”

Painfully slowly, the mighty lamia peeled her face up from the ground. She could barely keep her eyelids level, as she gazed up at him.

“Oh, hey Linc. I was just, like, resting a little.” She forced a nervous smile. “I've, uh, totally got this under control.”

Lincoln frowned. She sounded pitifully unsure.

“I was actually going to talk to you about that.”

“Oh.” Worry wormed its way onto her face. “What did you want to say?”

“Well,” he began, trying to tread carefully, “Have you considered taking a... different approach?”

Worry gave way to confusion. The lamia scratched the back of her head, as she mulled over his words. “Why would I do that? I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?”

The boy frowned.

“Hiding and jumping is how, like, all lamby- er, lommy, no, lame-y, uh...”

Why did that word have to be so hard for her?

“Lamias?” Linc offered.

“Yes! That's it.” she gave him a fang-laden grin. “See, hiding and jumping are, like, how all Leni-mias catch stuff!”

Based on what he knew of the reptilian species, his sister's statement was essentially true. Although they were capable of constriction, “Leni-mias” were primarily known as peerless ambush predators. For a species so colossal and cumbersome, lamias could be even more stealthy and graceful than members of his race. The average lamia, he reckoned, was probably a more effective predator than he was. Of course, his sister was anything but average.

“I'm not saying you should stop hiding and lunging,” the boy continued, carefully, “I'm saying that maybe there are better places to hide and better ways to lunge.”

Interest sparked across the giant predator's face.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he went on, feeling a bit more bold, “Maybe you could hide somewhere a little further from the mouse's front door? And, maybe you could jump a little different, so you don't hit your head on the ground?”

The Leni-mia was blown away. Was it even possible to jump and not hit the ground with your face? This had to be too good to be true.

“But how would the mouse even come to me, if I didn't wait by his bedroom? And how can you even, like, do the jumpy thing without hitting your head?”

The cat smiled. He hadn't expected her to be so receptive to the idea of changing things up. Things were going far better than he had expected.

“Well, you see, Leni, you can make the mouse come to you with bait.” The boy continued, after catching a glimpse of his sister's slack-jawed amazement. “And, you can avoid hitting the ground if you change the way you jump, a little. I can show you how.”

Leni gaped at her brother. He was making a lot of sense. From what she'd gathered today, smashing your face into the floor was, like, the hardest thing about being a hunter. She'd do just about anything to avoid having to do that.

“Can you really teach me how to do that, Lincy? Because that would be, like, amazing!”

The feline's grin widened, as Leni-isms flowed into his mind.

'Aim where the mouse will be instead of where it is, like showing up before a store opens when there's a sale.'

'Don't lunge down, like a v-neck; Lunge straight, like a standard cut.'

Yes, he absolutely could teach Leni the basics in a way she'd understand. If he could teach the legless teen to drive without ever being behind the wheel himself, he could teach her to do something that the both of them were hardwired to do.

“I can definitely teach you about that, Leni.”

“Yay!” she cried, as she brought herself back up to a “standing” position.

“Oh,” she realized suddenly, “But what if the mouse, like, gets scared and doesn't come back out? I think that last time may have freaked him out since he hasn't come out in a while.”

It was a bit worrying that the sadist hadn't made an appearance in so long. Perhaps he'd had his fill of schadenfreude for the evening. Regardless, though, Lincoln knew of something else that might entice the little monster, though.

“Don't worry about that, Leni.” He offered her a reassuring smile. “I have a plan to get that little rat out of his hole. And I think I can even stop him from getting back in.”

Leni beamed at him. He was happy to see her smile return.

“You're so smart, Lincy! But, like, how are you going to do it?”

“Oh, it'll be pretty simple, actually.” The feline cupped a hand on either side of his mouth and turned towards the bed. “Because Lola and Lana are going to help us!” he shouted.

Silence settled over the bedroom until it was shattered by a searing, indignant “WHAT!?”

Lana and Lola peered out of the veil, offering him a curious stare and a fiery death glare, respectively.

“Yay!” the fearsome predator exclaimed, again. “This is going to be, like, so much fun!”

Lana smiled at reptile, as she hopped from the bed with a thud.

“Awww, come on, Lola,” she pleaded. “It probably will be fun!”

Lola's face softened, as she watched her older sister coil around herself in excitement. It would be so much easier for her to resent Leni if the snake weren't such a sweetheart. Lincoln, though, she could resent all day.

Her eyes bored a hole into the overgrown housecat who had had the bright idea to drag her into his scheme. He had already broken the promise he had made mere minutes ago.

 

How much did a mouse trap cost? They couldn't be too expensive; Individual traps were sold at the dollar store, after all. A mouse trap must cost around a dollar, then. Yes, that sounded right. Lola grimaced.

Roughly one single dollar, then, was all it would have taken to avoid getting roped into Lincoln's little dog and pony show. No, cat and pony show. Or, cat and snake show, maybe? Lola slapped a tentacle against the “floor.” It didn't matter!

What mattered was that she was whittling her day away at her brother's whim, and looking awful doing it.

Her lovely hair was wadded into a quick bun to keep it from flying everywhere. Her favorite tiara had been cast off, along with her necklace, so they wouldn't fall. In her left hand, she clutched a crude cardboard megaphone, and in her right, she held something unbelievably stupid. Two of her tentacles clung to the hem of her dress to keep gravity, the great pervert, from flinging it up... er, down, and showing the world her bloomers.

The other six mighty appendages clung to the ceiling, holding the grumbling, upside-down octoprincess in place. Despite herself, Lola found a shred of joy in the ease with which her prehensile pretty princess “feet” could support her weight. On a normal day, the tiny scylla would have relished a chance to flaunt her race's natural superiority in front of her siblings.

Today had been far from normal, though. Days where Lincoln was up to one of his schemes were rarely normal.

Lola glowered at her fat, lazy kitty of a brother. Why couldn't he just do his job, instead of making a circus out of a task he could have completed in minutes? Because that would be too easy, she knew. Nothing could ever be easy when Mew-chiavelli down there dreamed up one of his little “operations.”

A muffled thump interrupted her ruminations. Lola shifted slightly, to catch a glimpse of her older sister. The snake had just made what appeared to be her best lunge yet; She was stretched out in a nearly straight line, laying comfortably on her chest instead of her face. It was a drastic improvement over what she'd been doing not even half an hour ago.

Leni seemed to realize that she was improving, too. The mighty serpent was grinning ear-to-ear, proud to have finally cleared the hurdle of nearly concussing herself every time she made a move. “How did I do?” she asked, turning towards their brother. Lola suspected that her sister already knew the answer to her own question.

“You did great!” the feline exclaimed, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “That was perfect!”

Leni maintained her grin as she slithered over to her brother, apparently reading his gesture as an invitation for a hug.

“Thanks, Lincy!” she exclaimed, as she pulled the catboy into a tight embrace. “I'm super glad I learned the right way to jump! It was, like, sooo nice of you to teach me.”

Lincoln patted the lamia's back. “It was no trouble, Leni. I'm glad I could help!” He punctuated his statement with a warm, genuine smile that shined through in his eyes. “And, you should give yourself some credit, too. You were a fast learner.”

The indignation that had roared in her chest died down into a few petulant embers. She cursed her stupid, scheming, well-meaning older brother; He couldn't even let her be mad at him for too long.

The boy yelped, as Leni tightened her hug into an amiable death grip. “Awww, you're too sweet, Lincoln!”

Leni let the poor boy go, after a moment. A thought seemed to have sprung into her mind. The snake caught Lola off guard when she glanced upwards, locking eyes. “And thank you guys,” she chirped, looking over at Lana, on the bed, “for helping out with Lincoln's crazy plan!”

“No problem, Leni!” the golem replied, cheerfully. “It's been a lot of fun getting ready.”

Well, of course that's what her twin would say. Lana was probably having the time of her artificial life, down there. Lincoln's little plan had given the mud monster carte blanche to do that awful, disgusting, creepy thing that Lola normally forbade. The scylla shivered, just thinking about it.

“Yes, it's not a problem at all, Leni,” the chimed, as sweetly as she could. “I'm just so excited to be rid of that awful mouse, already.”

The scaly fashionista nodded at Lola, balling her fists in determination. “Well, I'm totally going to catch him for you.” Her eyes flitted to the hole in the wall. “And I mean it, this time!”

Lola seized the opportunity, looking down at her feline brother. “Are you ready to start, then?”

Lincoln's brow furrowed, and he scratched the back of his neck. “Well...” He looked over at Leni, who was smiling broadly at her little brother. “Yeah,” he decided then, “Yeah, we're ready.”

Leni squealed in excitement. Lola could feel the vibrations in the ceiling as the bubbly goliath bounced in place.

“Are you two ready?” the cat asked.

“Sure am!” Lana cried, from atop Lola's bed.

“More than you could imagine,” the scylla said, flatly.

“Alright, everybody, get to your positions!”

Lola was way ahead of him. Mindful of the ceiling fan, Lola plopped her way over to spot above the mouse's den. She was more than ready to get this show on the road.

 

Lincoln scanned the room from his place beneath Lola's bed. Lola stood, arms crossed, above the spot she needed to be. The straining of the bedsprings above him told him that Lana was in position, as well. That just left...

“Leni!” he hissed. “Leni, put your head down!”

The airhead didn't seem to hear him. Poking out among the furniture in the far corner, where she was supposed to be hiding, his older sister giggled profusely. In between her fits of laughter, she focused her attention on El Diablo and darted her tongue out at him. The captive serpent returned the gesture, and his sister resumed her laughing fit. He was fairly sure that, in Leni's parlance, the two were “speaking snake.”

Lincoln didn't want to interrupt his sister's “conversation,” but he did need her to at least try and conceal her presence.

“Leni!” he cried out, a little louder. “Leni! Hello?”

Leni started, and spun around. “Oh! Yes, Linc?”

“Leni, you need to duck down and hide, alright? And be ready to lunge.”

Leni blinked. “Oh, that's right.” She frowned, slightly. “Sorry, Lincoln, but it's, like, so hard to resist that little guy's jokes!”

The cat buried one side of his face in his palm. Lincoln hoped that Leni could actually talk to snakes.

“I uh, totally get that, Leni,” he lied, “But just try your best, okay?”

“Okay, Linc. I'll do my best!” Leni gave him a lopsided salute, before settling down and concealing herself among the nest of furniture.

Moments later, Linc's ears picked up the sound of muffled laughter. The feline sighed. That would have to be good enough.

“Alright Lola,” he called, “Hit it!”

“You know this is stupid, right?” the girl called down.

Oh, he knew. She had made sure that he knew.

With nary another grumble, Lola released the contents of her right fist. Lincoln smiled, as he saw his old rival again. The battered toy mouse bounced as it struck the floor, and settled on its side. The aged kitten toy looked absolutely stunning in the neat red ribbon that Lola had been kind enough to give him. Or, her, now. His old pal had done great, making the transition from pouncing target to enticing lady mouse.

Lincoln couldn't help but feel proud of himself, as Lola gave life to the illusion by tugging the string on the toy's back. The movements were a little jerky, but it should be convincing enough for a mouse. It would definitely be convincing enough, he knew, if Lola would do the other half of her duties.

“Lola” he called, after a watching a few more moments of silent bouncing, “You've gotta use the megaphone!”

The scylla must have hit her quota of annoyed grumbles, that day; She barely even protested as she raised the piece of cardboard to her mouth.

“Ooooh, Mr. Mouse,” she crooned, in a tone that blended resignation and derision, “Pleeeease, come save me.” She started bouncing the decoy along in time with her lines.

“I think the world's stupidest, ugliest, most annoying br- cat is out here, and he's gonna-”

“Lola!” he called out, “Mice don't understand English.You have to squeak!”

He was wrong. Lola hadn't hit her limit on angry grumbles at all. Still, after taking a moment to compose herself, the little tentacle monster did her best to comply.

“Uh, squeak, squeak,” she said, feeling utterly ridiculous. “Squeak, squeak-squeak.”

“No, Lola,” the boy chided, “You can't say the word 'squeak.' You have to actually squeak!”

“Oh, come on! Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Lola rubbed circles into her temples, unintentionally sending her little puppet into a death spiral. After a few moments of torturing the poor toy, Lola looked back down.

“I'm going to remember this, Lincoln,” she warned, with a withering glare. “You better cover your ears, too.”

The boy shrank back under the bed, and halfheartedly placed his hands over his ears. Not enough to actually impede his hearing, of course.

Lola sighed and gave her dignity a lengthy princess wave. When she was ready, she cleared her throat, parted her lips, and mewled into the shoddy megaphone.

Lincoln was astounded. The delicate squeals and squeaks Lola let out were some of the cutest noises he had ever heard. Who knew the tiny terror could be so adorable when she wasn't being vicious?

The feline wasn't Lola's only fan, either. After a minute or two of the sea monster's little concert, a very intrigued albino leaned out of his front door. Lola, eager to be done with her part in Linc's clown fiesta, started to bob the toy mouse around in the cutest way she could manage.

The reviled rodent quickly bought into the act. As Lola began to bounce the seductive baby toy towards the far side of the room, the once-clever mouse followed thoughtlessly. Just as Lincoln expected, the intelligence-altering effect of pretty girls worked across species. Not that he would know anything about that, of course.

When the oblivious creature had followed the decoy towards the center of the room, Lincoln heard Lola's bedsprings groan.

“Not now,” he told the golem, in the most hushed whisper he could muster, “Wait for the signal.”

The creaking stopped.

Lola's symphony of squeaks reached a crescendo, as the finish line came into view. After a few more moments, the love birds reached the opposite side of the room, near the door. With the necessary distance covered, Lola began to bounce the fake mouse in little circles. The movement and the sound preserved the illusion and kept the love-struck rodent in one spot.

Lincoln was impressed. Lola had executed phase one of the operation perfectly, even if she had done it with all the enthusiasm of a corpse. Lincoln's heart began to pound. Now, things were in Leni's hands.

Quicker than he had anticipated, his elder sister made her move. In near perfect form, the Leni-mia flew from her hiding spot, towards where the clueless albino was about to step.

Lincoln's heart soared as his sister actually managed to clasp a hand around her target. And, it promptly faltered when she fumbled the wiggling rodent a moment later.

But, still, the boy was thrilled that Leni had come so near. Leni herself seemed impressed with how close she had been; A smile as bright as any she'd flashed that day overtook her face when she realized that she had almost done it.

Only one of the room's occupants seemed unimpressed by the reptile's display. Still reeling from his near-death experience, the terrified mouse made a break for his den.

Despite his faith in his older sister, Lincoln had anticipated this outcome. That's why this operation had two phases.

“Now, Lana!” he shouted, before darting out to intercept the creature.

The beleaguered rodent nearly had a heart attack, as yet another giant predator leaped at him from out of nowhere. Luckily, he was firing on all cylinders, by that point. The albino changed course at the last moment, narrowly juking the hairy white monster. Once he had cleared the second giant, the mouse sprinted towards his door with everything he had.

He never had a chance. Before he could clear the last few bounds separating him and safety, a huge brown boulder crashed down in front of his door. No, not a boulder, he realized, as he skidded to a halt. A head. The face of the giant brown oaf who had tormented him yesterday sneered at him.

“Not today, buddy,” she told him, smugly.

If he could understand English, the words would have sent a chill up his spine. Without missing a beat, the terra cotta terror's body sprang from the bed, landing with a ground shaking thud. The mouse was as puzzled as he was terrified. Apparently, giants didn't need heads to live.

The rodent tried not to panic, as the hairy thing and the headless brown dummy tried to box him in. He was a pretty smart guy, he reckoned. He still had a chance to make it out of this situation. Whatever happened, though, he promised himself that this would be the last time he would throw caution to the wind over a dame.

 

Lincoln laughed, as he trailed the little sadist under Lana's bed. He hadn't had this much fun doing his job in years. Normally, he waited in ambush, or used traps to outwit his prey. He hadn't actually had to play a literal game of cat-and-mouse in ages.

With a quick swipe of his paw, the feline flushed his quarry from his would-be hiding spot. Once the creature was out in the open, Lana's surprisingly coordinated headless torso cut him off. With Lincoln behind him and Lana in front of him, the mouse had only one “escape” route. Perfectly done.

The terrified creature ran to the far corner of the room, right where a certain scaly monster wanted him. Leni lunged again, expertly anticipating where the vermin would be. As before, she successfully grasped the mouse in her fingers, but he was still just too slippery to hold. The rodent sprang out of her hand, and into the air. Leni tried desperately to catch him mid-flight, but she could only manage to awkwardly juggle the creature for a few moments before he finally touched down.

Lincoln grinned at the display. Leni really had improved, and she seemed more determined than she'd ever been. If she was just a little better with her hands... But, she had time to improve. As long as the mouse couldn't find a way to leave the twins' room, Leni could have as many tries as she wanted.

“Lincy!” the excited serpent called. “Did you see that? I was like, mili-inches away from having him.”

“Yeah, I saw, Leni. It was pre-”

“I can do this, Linc.” she went on, her voice growing in confidence and volume with every syllable. “I almost caught a squeaky guy without even breaking anything. I'm as good as all the other Leni-mias! Linc, I'm a uh...” her epiphany halted, as she tried to remember the right word. After a few moments, she decided.

“I am, like, a SUPLEX PREDATOR!” the lamia shouted to the heavens.

“You sure are, Leni,” he responded, beaming with pride. He was glad to hear her finally sound like she believed those words. And, he supposed “suplex” was a little closer than “latex”.

“Go get him, Leni!” Lana's disembodied head cried from its place against the wall. “Also, he went under my bed again, Linc.”

Lincoln perked up at that. The feline hunched over and prepared to pounce under the golem's bed, again.

And then, he heard it: A loud, familiar thud, right behind him. One of Lana's over-eager footsteps. Had she just...?

He only started to feel it when the headless torso pulled its foot away. Oh God. His tail.  
“Aw jeez, Linc,” his sister's head called out, “I am so sorry!”

The boy yowled as the overwhelming pain finally set in. He clutched his poor, throbbing appendage gingerly, stumbling backward. Backward, and onto the edge of Lana's bed. In a flash, the precarious tower of tea furniture crashed down on top of the feline.

So much for catlike reflexes, he groused to himself. He didn't have a second to lick his wounds before another bang rocked through the crowded bedroom.

The twin's door nearly splintered at the force of Lynn's kick. The sporty orc, decked out in her favorite lucha libre mask, panned an accusing finger at the entire room.

“Did I hear somebody say suplex!?” the excitable little wrestler cried.

“Close the door, Lynn!” Lincoln shouted, instinctively. Not long after, Lola and Lana were yelling the same.

Lincoln's youngest elder sister quirked her head to one side. “Why, though?” she wondered aloud. “It sounds like you guys have really been having at it.”

Lincoln winced as a little white blur jumped out from under Lana's bed, and made a mad dash for the door.

That was why.

Lincoln groaned internally. He was functionally immobilized by the heap of furniture on top of him, and could only watch as the wretched mouse was handed his escape on a silver platter. The boy was not looking forward to having to call most of this morning's endeavors a waste of time.

Just as the minute mastermind neared the threshold, though, something marvelous happened; a familiar mossy green lightning bolt pealed after him. The sheer force of Leni's lunge took her out into the hallway and knocked Lynn onto her back.

For a moment, the boy's heart went still. Slowly, the fashionista rose from up off the floor and righted herself. Lincoln's heart fell when he saw that she stood empty-handed. Then, she spun herself around, and threw two triumphant fists into the air. The lamia held the angry, squealing mouse between her fangs. A no-hander!

“Yay, Leni!” he practically squealed, kicking Lola's tea table off of his chest. The boy sprang to his feet and dashed over to the ecstatic blonde as she slithered back into the room. In short order, Lana's torso joined them, as her head cheered from the far wall. With a wet pop, Lola detached herself from the ceiling and landed next to her two and a half siblings.

Lynn scooped herself up off the ground, unceremoniously. Had Leni of all people just blown her the heck out? That didn't happen, did it? Groggily, the wiry orc walked over to the doorway, to get a better look at her apparent conqueror.

Leni, dressed as a hillbilly and looking like she'd gone ten round with Muhammad Ali, clutched a visibly distressed mouse in her teeth. A battered Lincoln, a disheveled Lola, and a HEADLESS Lana danced around their elder sister, like tribals around a bonfire.

Lynn did not consider herself particularly intelligent. Her race was not known for being particularly swift, and she doubted that she was even in the top half of orcs in terms of smarts. But even in the back of her relatively slow mind, she knew that whatever it was she had stumbled into, it was not an invitation for lucha libre.

The occupants of the twins' room didn't even notice the sound of the door closing. They were too busy cheering for the conquering snake.

“That was awesome, Leni!” the catboy chimed after he'd had his fill of vicarious victory dancing.

“Yeah, that was some perfect execution, at the end,” Lana's head added, as her torso finally went to reclaim it.

“I was actually impressed that you pulled it off,” Lola admitted. She sounded much more friendly now that the ridiculous affair was behind her.

“Mmph hmm. Mmmh mh-” the lamia tried to say, before she realized that her mouth was still full. Leni held up a finger as if to ask for a pause. Quickly, she bit down on the screeching mouse. After a few satisfying, wet crunches, the lamia swallowed down her now-silent quarry.

“Coooool,” the fully reassembled golem intoned.

Lola turned away and dry heaved. She'd never understand how her predatory siblings were able to eat such disgusting things.

Lincoln crouched, and tried to rub a soothing pattern into his little sister's back. Even though she had given him grief all day, he felt bad for her as she retched.

“Sorry, Lola,” the serpent said, sheepishly. “I forgot that you think that sort of thing's gross. I don't know why, though, since mice are totes yummy, but...” Leni trailed off and gave her sister time to recover. When the scylla composed herself and turned back around, Leni continued.

“But, I just wanted to say, thanks for helping me, everybody.”

There was something oddly... knowing in the look she was giving them.

“I was kind of supposed to help you, but I would have probably smashed a hole in the floor by now if it weren't for you guys. So, thank you so much!”

“It was our pleasure, Leni,” the catboy assured her.

“Yeah,” the golem added, “We were glad to he-”

Before her siblings could react any further, Leni encircled them with her coils and pulled them in close. In her experience, her sibling loved her “tail hugs”, so it made sense to her to grab all three at once. They were so sweet to her. She was glad that she could do something to pay them back.

Leni coiled herself up a few levels and smiled down at her siblings as they settled into the embrace. Even Lola seemed to have swallowed her ill feelings and relaxed against her big sister.

Leni loved her siblings. She loved that they watched out for her. She loved that they put up with her. They were, like, the best thing ever.

And they were so warm and toasty, too...

“Leni!” the catboy called after several minutes had passed. “Leni, I like hugs and all, but we have places to be!” He drummed his paw against the dome of coils, to try and get her attention.

The only response he received was a delicate snore.

His elder sister was out cold. Literally. She had missed her heat nap for the day, after all, and she needed to lie down and suck up warmth from somewhere. After all the things he'd put up with for Leni's sake, that day, he supposed letting her leech his body heat was nothing.

It couldn't possibly take very long, could it?

He decided that he'd make the best of the situation. Leni probably wouldn't keep them there for long, right? And it was kind of comfortable to lay against his sister's smooth, insulated scales. Heck, he could even let his hot water bottle of a little sister sleep next to him again, if he felt cold.

The pouting princess groaned loudly as Lincoln pulled her and Lana into a more comfortable snuggling position.

“You couldn't just do it yourself, could you? You utter Garfield.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Doubly so considering the length. Originally written for a secret club.


End file.
